Self-Awareness

One of the most hilarious things in occurring naturally is when a dog, often a smallish dog with largish ambitions sees itself in a mirror. The hilarity that ensues is something not to be missed. However, sometimes the dog realizes that it is only a reflection of itself. Most recognize this as an indicator of self-awareness, in the sense that the animal is aware that it is his or her own actions that cause the corresponding action in the image in the mirror.

Of course, this happens in varying degrees in different animals, but it is very interesting that the actual number of people who are truly self-aware are very few. When I talk about self-awareness, I do not mean it in an amorphous, transcendental way but in the literal practical way that a dog is self aware of his own actions when he looks in the mirror. Many people are unable to look at themselves and see that they are taking action and that action has results.

Of course, part of the reason that this is true is the intrinsic nature of the difficulty of seeing your self. You never literally see your own face. The best that can happen is that you see a reflection of it. Likewise in life, you never can really see yourself as a person, for the same reason that you can never really see your own face; you are too close to the subject.

Consequentially we can only view the reflections of ourselves from other people. That is naturally problematic. Others will reflect us back, but also their view of us will taint that reflection. It can be rather like looking at ourselves through a funhouse mirror. If we know how we truly, the image in the mirror tells us more about the mirror than it does about us.

A better method is reflection on our world and the effects that our actions have upon it. This is sort of like how scientists tried to figure out what an atom was like by shooting particles at is and seeing how they behaved when they came into contact with the molecules, and atoms. If we look around at the effect that we have on the world around us, and the effect that it has upon us then we will have a much better idea of whom we are.

However, this is a painful process. I first realized this when I was in basic training. For some reason, every man in America believes he can shoot a weapon. You can tell this because the fellow in the movies who does not know how to shoot is always the butt of jokes, and often portrayed as a nerd. Everyone laughs at how he is inept at working a firearm, because they believe that it is something so simple that they could do it easily themselves, even though many of them never have.

In basic training, however, you must test your belief for real. You actually have to lie down and take real shots at real targets. Many young men, myself included, were embarrassed at first at how poorly on the whole that we did. I had done some, but little shooting before, but I at least had the good sense to swallow my pride, and listen to the Drill Sergeants. Ultimately, I succeeded, as did everyone else. However, for many of them, their natural confidence without basis was destroyed. Ultimately, it was replaced by a real confidence that has a basis in fact.

That moment of realization that you were not what you wanted to be was painful, for two reasons. First, we were faced with the fact that what we had though about ourselves was not true. Second was the realization that if that belief was important enough that we should make it true, we had a lot of work to do. Of course, we had to ultimately succeed because of our condition as trainees.

In real life, there are many such situations. Tied to every man's belief that he can shoot is the belief that he can and will defend his family. Well, soldiers no longer believe that, they know it because the do it every day.

Most people and many soldiers never put themselves into positions where they would have to find out what they are truly made of, because they are afraid of the truth. It is cliché but true to say the truth hurts. It hurts to realize that you are poor because you never worked hard, or you are lonely because you are a jerk. It hurts even more to realize that an undesirable condition is the result of something that is not your fault, but still a part of you nonetheless. The fact that you may not have been born with natural good looks, intelligence, or strength is certainly no ones fault, but they can cause undesirable conditions in our lives.

Many people do not want to look at themselves and see the truth. It is painful, even for the best of us. However, deflecting that truth has its own consequences. That is a discussion for another day.

Suffice it to say, who we are is where we start. We all have an idea of where we want to go, but without a starting point, we have no way to get there.